I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
