Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
