I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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