How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My cat gives me a boner
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
