You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
