It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
