I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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