fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
