My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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