these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I faked an abortion last night.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
