oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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