you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
