All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize