The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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