No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
