I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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