I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
