no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
