she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
