I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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