I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
