ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
