sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
