i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
