Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
