My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Let the clothes fall where they may.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
