There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
