I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
