I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
