drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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