There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just had sex on a roof
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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