Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
