so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
