Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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