btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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