"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
