sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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