Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
