Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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