I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
