Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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