We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
