Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
