i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
we made out on top of his cat.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
