I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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