There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
