Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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