I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
