You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
