I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
